It’s that time of the tide again. Sea of Thieves developer, Joe the DevelopArrrrrrrrr steps in the Spongebob room for a big game dev announcement.
Joe went on to tell his loyal and loving fans from across the universe that those mean hacker pirates had… well… y’know… been taken care of. We couldn’t get an official statement on what was really going on, but we heard word that they were kindly asked to walk the plank.
The PC Gaming News Team attempted reach out to some of the banned pirates but couldn’t get any information that was deemed reliable. From what we think, we believe that they could be seeking asylum in Fortnite. More on this in future announcements.
What we did find out about this big update is that gamers are kind of getting annoyed with the whole reinstall update thing. For older gamers, it feels like having to restart your computer when you lose a game that doesn’t have a save point. For younger games, like Chad (see below), we think the repercussions of a delayed night in gaming could be quite threatening.
PC gaming news reporter, Dennis aka Dennis, reached out to local gamer and freshman college student, Chad Montgomery, and asked him how felt about the re-install. Chad explained that he felt a little “unwoke” about it.
Chad, like many other students at the University of Oklahoma, like to portray a life that is “as woke as possible, my dude” sometimes simplified to “being straight up AWAP” and wanted to go on public record to state, “This is practically the material for a new Third-Eye Blind album” something that he described as “Utterly not woke af.”
Our reporter, Dennis, asked if Chad would be okay.
In a heartfelt interview, Chad explained to Dennis that Sea of Thieves is trying to be woke and all but that his strict gaming schedule was inconvenienced on the night of the proposed update. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be fully okay, stating “Time heals everything, right dude?”
Dennis wasn’t sure about why this was such a big deal. He investigated further in a joint interview with Chad and roommate Brody.
Chad: “Yeah dude, February 6th… is on a Wednesday. If anyone knows me truly, they know about the Wedznedzday Streamski.”
Chad went on to explain that Wednesday’s are his biggest streaming days on twitch and that his followers absolutely know that for sure.
His best friend, Brody, commented during an emotional segment of the interview, informing us that he already planned a Sea of Thieves “mega stream” for his top brodo bird, Chad. Stating, “Yeah Denny, dude, it was going to be huge that night. I tweeted Drake like weeks ago seeing if he wanted to break Twitch again. Did you hear about?”
Our reporters could find no such tweets, but Brody continued, “this is the stream, man! THIS. IS. The stream of the future, man. Like we’re Ninja 2.0” He concluded that if it weren’t for the Sea of Thieves Re-Install, this would finally be “the stream to break the curse, bro, the legendary curse of 13 viewers.”
Brody claims the curse of 13 viewers was brought on when Chad had a rough night in Sea of Thieves initial launch. However, other sources claim his stream was mostly entertaining due to the fact his roommate would perform “bong rips” in the background every few minutes without Chad’s knowing.
PCGAMING.GG producers had to pull Dennis off of the field due to an emergency news report but managed to get Chad’s final statement over a text message.
The message reads, “Den-ski, bro, let my followers know that I’ll be protesting this re-install extremely live on Twitch until we can all come together and get that justice for the ocean. There’s no re-installs for the orca’s and the whales and what not, dude, so let’s work together to do it right first.”
The tide is rising for Rare Ltd. and Sea of Thieves fans around the universe are excited to see what updates will be sailing in with Joe’s next update.
As always, stay tuned for any breaking news updates.
Update 1/17/2019 2:00 AM CST: Anonymous User Sends Mysterious YouTube Still-Frame of Patchy the Pirate (See Bottom of Page)
The ghost of Patchy the Pirate was caught in this mysterious still-frame we received from anonymous source.